


Welcome to the Family

by 1_NoName_among_many



Series: Half a King, at Best [3]
Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Asexuality, Gen, I think it is safe to say, LGBTQ Themes, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23732068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1_NoName_among_many/pseuds/1_NoName_among_many
Summary: An intermission of sorts
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, Martha Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor/Philip Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Series: Half a King, at Best [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1664290
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philip and Alex discuss things

"Heya Pip! How are things?"  
"Alexander, please leave me alone, I have work to do."  
Philip wasn't lying either. What with the children and his mother's impending ascension, there was a lot he had to do. Right now, he was in his office at Buckingham sorting through letters patent, trying to find just a few more peers to help leverage the queen off her throne.  
"Aw come on, Pippy, I know you like me!"  
Philip's back arched at that. "Do not call me that!"  
"Aw come on, Mazzy calls you that all the time!"  
"Because she is my wife," Philip decreed. "With all that entails." His scowl softened into a smirk. "Of course, if you were willing to perform the duties inherent to the position, I might reconsider."  
Alex was surprised. Did Philip just tell a joke? "Uh, I'll pass."  
"Then my name is Philip." The duke returned to his work. "Now shoo!"  
"Oh come on, Pip!"  
Philip looked up with a scowl.  
"Ugh, ok, 'Philip'. Look, Henry and Bea call you Pip all the time! And I know you've called me Alex on a few occasions. How is that different?"  
The Duke of York looked back down at his work. He sighed. "I will admit, I was trying to be more familiar with you then, but it didn't feel right. It felt presumptuous. Like I was treading on Henry's toes. Besides, it takes me a while to warm up to people, especially people like you."  
"What, because I'm bisexual?"  
"No-"  
"Because I'm Hispanic, then?"  
"No!-"  
"American?"  
"NO! Because you're a bloody presumptuous extravert!"  
"Oh."  
"I don't like gregarious, amiable sorts," Philip said, anger slowly ebbing. "And, boy, do you qualify. I will tolerate you because Henry's in love with you and you're in love with Henry, but that doesn't mean I have to like you. So I will call you Alexander, and I expect you to call me Philip."  
"Alright, fine," Alex conceded. "But what about your little speech?"  
"What little- Oh right, _This Morning_."  
"Yeah. It was unexpected, to say the least. Hearing that come from you."  
"Well, Henry isn't the only queer in the family."  
"Oh, I know all about the Queens of England!"  
"True, but I meant living family."  
"Oh." Alex pondered this. "Is Bea into girls? I feel I would have heard about that, what with, you know-"  
"Yes, you would have heard, and know, she isn't."  
"Princess Catherine's into girls then? I mean, I wouldn't put it past her-"  
"No, it isn't Mum either. Not that I know of anyway."  
"It can't be the queen! I mean, I know they all say the worst homophobes are closet cases, but that just isn't true, and-"  
"I meant me, you twerp!" Philip yelled. "And you wonder why I don't like you!" he added under his breath.  
"Oh." Gears turned and ground in Alex's mind as he processed this information. " _You_ like the D?"  
Philip growled in exasperation. "No, I do not 'like the D', as you so eloquently put it, but neither do I 'like the V'! I am asexual! And you can complain until you are blue in the face about how 'the B isn't silent', but at least you made it into the bloody acronym!"  
"Oh." Alex was at a loss for words. "Sorry, that was stupid of me."  
"Yes. It was. Now, if you'll excuse me?" Philip pointedly returned to his work, hoping beyond hope that Alexander would finally get the hint.  
No such luck. "Wait, if you're asexual, then, what about Mazzy?"  
"What _about_ Mazzy?"  
"You know, your husbandly duties?"  
Philip rolled his eyes. Why me? "She's asexual too. It runs in her family. It's how she knew to diagnose me with asexuality rather than impotence."  
"Impotence?"  
"I'm sex averse, to be precise."  
"Oh. Then, how did you make the kids?"  
Philip glared at the errant first son, then smirked wide and mischievous. "If you must know," he began, "We put a catheter up my urethra, but diverted it down the vas derefens until it reached the testicles. There, it extracted a sample of semen, which was then put into, I believe you would call it a 'turkey baster', at which point-"  
"Okay, okay! I get it! You could have just told me to leave!"  
"I did, remember? At the start of this conversation? You didn't listen. Now, as I was saying-"  
Alex ran off, blaring the Star-Spangled Banner at the top of his lungs.  
Mazzy was right. This is fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Philip is, of course, "very deeply fine" with his arrangement, as is Mazzy. It helps that they are, in fact, very deeply in love with each other. Asexual does not mean aromantic.
> 
> Also, the "bloody acronym" Philip mentions is, of course, "LGBT". Philip does know there are versions of the "bloody acronym" with the A for Asexual, but he is all too aware that the original "bloody acronym" does not.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philip and Henry discuss things

"Philip, what did you do?"  
It had been a blissful twenty minutes since Philip ran Alexander out of his office, and now Henry was bothering him.  
"I had to Henry, he wouldn't leave me alone."  
"You couldn't have just told him to leave?"  
"I did, Henry," Philip replied, "thrice."  
Henry reflected on this. "Alright, that does sound like Alex. Still, would it kill you to be a little nicer?"  
"I was. I didn't sic the palace guard on him, did I?"  
"Philip!"  
Philip sighed and put down his work. "Look, I'm sorry, but Alexander just isn't the kind of person I can be friendly with. He's far too gregarious for my tastes, and he has no respect for the rules of engagement."  
"Well, get used to it, that's exactly why I love him."  
"I know, Henry. And I am genuinely proud of you. Standing up to the queen like that. Standing up to me! I wish you never had to, and I'm scrambling to make up for it now, but Alexander doesn't make it easy."  
Henry smirked a little. "No he doesn't. I'll talk to Alex and tell him to leave you alone. But please be nice to him if he forgets."  
"Trust me, he won't."  
Henry rolled his eyes and made to leave.  
"Oh, wait!" Philip opened one of the drawers on his desk. "I almost forgot. I want you to have this."  
"What is it?" Henry took it. It was check for a ridiculously large sum, made out to the Henry Fox LGBTQ Foundation Trust. "Philip! This is- I-" He sobered up just enough to ask "What's the catch?"  
"I want you to display these in your shelters." Philip took out an array of brochures form the same drawer.  
They had titles like "What's the big deal about sex? Asexuality and you" and "Sometimes, all you need is love: What it means to be Asexual but not Aromantic" and "The heart wants what the heart wants, but sometimes the rest of you doesn't agree: Romantic vs. Sexual Orientation" and "Shades of Gray: The Aro-Ace Spectrum".  
Henry was dumbfounded. "Philip, are you asexual?"  
"Yes."  
"But what about Mazzy?"  
"She is as well. We're very happy together."  
"And, you're okay with the whole, royal duties thing."  
"We have a system that works for us," Philip shrugged. "If you want details, ask Alexander. Although he ran away after I mentioned the turkey baster." A mischievous grin spread wide across his face.  
"He did mention that, yes." Henry glared at his brother. "But please be aware that two can play at that game. If any more talk of turkey basters comes up, I might just have to tell you about the cloak room at Wimbledon."  
Philip blanched. There weren't many things that could fluster Philip, but Henry topped the list.  
"Thanks for the donation, though." Henry put the check and the brochures in his pocket. "I appreciate the gesture. Will you be an anonymous donor?"  
The color returned to Philip's face. "Whichever you prefer. Although if you do advertise my donation, make sure you include Mazzy. It was her idea, and her money sense that made it possible."

A few weeks later, the line "Philip and Martha Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor" appeared on the donations plaque at the New York shelter of the Henry Fox LGBTQ Foundation Trust. An array of new brochures was artfully arranged beneath it.


End file.
